Title-less

Just catching up, after abandoning you for so long, leaving you alone to rust and coated with layers of dust.
This is going to be a very long post. So be aware of hand sore due to scrolling. lol

Been back to Penang on the 21st August during Sem break. Was hanging out with friends for 3days continuously. But I've been a good girl, after that, all I did for the rest of the weeks are cleaning the house, reading books, watching dramas, massage my mom, did the groceries with mom, blah blah blah. I missed the part about hiking. It's so sad weyh, I wanted to hike so badly but find no companions. It's "July, the month of the year" .

Anyways, I did quench my thirst for Dim Sum and Steamboat (YAYYY :DD)
Watched 2 movies.
Run a couple of miles.
Did countless sit ups. 
Haha! But I ready exercised a bit alright.

Breakfast with my mom, uncle, aunt and cousins. 

Meet fresh with my close buddies :)

Bird and Nat 

My adorable Fu

From left, nat, blogger, fu, bird

Denise, me, ashley, sam

Someone is going away for medical studies :'(

Meet the little mischievous thing ;) 

Steamboat for dinner! With Bren, Kelvin, Mavis and Fu <3

Brennie was having a row with kelvin, but eventually everything settled down. Yay! 

Chatime

Chatime 

Day 2 in Penang. Met up with Sean :) 

Dinner with ma "Godson" Le Yu :)

LOK LOK !! :DDD

The special friend that come unexpectedly, and shall be remembered forever :)

Trishaw Man :)

Playing Jenga with niece. Somehow I always feel, Lego sounds more suitable for this.

And puzzle!

Was back to KL on the 8th August. No room to stay at sis' place, have to drop by a coursemate's house for the night before departing for the next adventure trip to Singapore. It's not like those lovey dovey, or shopping spree, or funky vacation type of thing. Just some study trip that I hope nothing goes wrong.
It's only 4hours of so from 1U to Singapore (for Aeroline) which is kinda fast for me. haha. About 39 of us I guess, dragging our luggage like a flock of lost sheeps. HAHA. Okay la, maybe my words are too dramatic. We weren't exactly lost, we found our way to Beary Best hostel at Chinatown anyways. Credits to Sook Wen and Teck Yao, they were our walking and talking compasses when there's no lecturers around.

In the bus and got nothing better to do, so I vain xD

The first day of arrival was a free day for us to rest and explore some places as we like. So after sorting out the luggage and everything we went to Bugis Street. It's like a night market with lotsa clothes, shoes accessories, food, snacks drinks etc. Up in the mall they have more shops with the similar things. And of course, me, ze wonder pig, bought a pair of shoes with 15dollars. Back hostel at almost 11pm. Dead exhausted.  

Our dorm :)

Ahhh~ Colourful lanterns 

Chinese temple 

Our late lunch during first day of arrival

The living room

Too focus on Wii

Yummy from Bugis street

the killer heels

 The second day, we had two precedent studies to conduct, namely the Singapore City Gallery and Asian Civilization Museum. Singapore City Gallery is really an interesting place that tells the story in a proper sequential manner; about the pass, present and future development of Singapore. We should learn more from the ways and strategies they arrange their displays. Their interior is serene in a way that you'll feel that you're actually in a garden/ Eden than in a museum or gallery. Singapore's buildings are special in a way that they really try to merge and bring the outside green environment into the buildings. The way they use natural day lighting, the pattern they sort out plants around, the technique of including water decorations. It amaze me that they are not merely saying, but they are acting out. They voice out, and follow the path of Copenhagen Solution.

City Gallery is more on thriving forward, whereas ACM is more on preserving the originality of Singapore's history and culture. Both have the different approach but we did learn some new stuff. As our project will be designing a Cultural Museum, lets move to the site analysis part (Day 3). Ze spot picked is Pulau Ubin, the north east side of Singapore island. In groups of 6, we rented a bicycle each and cycled around to find the most suitable site we want and then started working on finding the necessary infos. I feel the info my group collected are not even accurate and less than the one I did during the bungalow project. We were deprived from tools and time! All groups are also the same, almost. lol. Info as in terms of climatic, topography, specialty.. It was tiring, had sunburns, but then fun was superb and irreplaceable :)

Singapore City Gallery 

Asian Civilization Museum 

Pulau Ubin

St. Andrew's Cathedral

Move on to the 4th day, we did architectural history study at Blair Plain. There are 36 of us, 4 in a group. Our group did the study on St. Andrew's Cathedral. It is the first and oldest Anglican Church in Singapore, with English Gothic style. It was once use as a hospital for the Japanese during the World War II.   

Evening view by the river.

 Day 5 was a free day where we can pick wherever we wanna go. So I pick the Zoo (but actually I wanted Universal Studio too)

Waiting for ze bus.

Upon arrival, first shot . :)

Poor hungry otters

Kang-ga-ru

Cheetah 

Lunch

Penguins

The Flamingo :)

Me arriving at Garden by the Bay, after Zoo. 

Creepy looking down from the bridge lols

Night view

Mini Merlion

The real one.

Day 6, saying goodbyes to the dorm, heading to Vivo City for presentation. 

Here we are!

Going hoee, and the movie is not playing properly. I was bored, and emo. So I vandalize my left thigh. 

            Hey supp blog. Lol, blog's layout changed I guess, you looked different. More gorgeous maybe. Ahh, talking about it makes me feel innocent, feeble and defenseless. My facebook profile switched to timeline version against my WILL.  I hate timeline, it's so messy and complicated, and no. I don't wanna get used to it. =.= screwed facebook.

I can't believe I'm still such an asshole. why Why WHY WHYY?? Wai you tetris and no do homework miki? Why can't you produce a simple article? Why aren't you doing your boards? And why are you typing this shit when no one is gonna give a damn? I'm so sickly pathetic. I feel so regret for starting relationships when I knew crystal clear that not a piece of shit is gonna work out. Ha, I know what you're thinking. DON'T TELL ME TO STOP LOOKING BACK COZ' I LOVE LOOKING BACK AND REMINISCING MY MISTAKES. You either read it. or. leave now. No offence. Though clearly that's a rude offence. Ah, whatever.

I'm tired of you, control freak, demand-er, childish, lunatic, stubborn, annoying. Just look at yourself, you're no better than them. Overreacting , shouting, dramatic response, jumping like your mama just died. I'm mean and evil. You molded me as what I am today. I hated you. Pardon me if I'm spreading negative aura and thoughts. I just need to express. I found out last month that I can no longer share my secrets with my sister and mother. They will never understand how I feel, leave alone catching the meaning of my words.

Everyone is so unreliable these days. Well, I a Christian but forgive me for mentioning karma. I'm so fcking awesome at keeping secrets and why can't the people I tell my problems can keep their big mouth sealed?
I need an anger management therapy. My patience level dropped spectacularly. Really, I wanna be like Adeline. Or maybe IR Han. I've never seen these two person vent their anger at any single being.

People who read my blog will realize there's element of wikipedia here. Coz there are lotsa words but they are all rubbish and meaningless. AR Perumal said wikipedia contains a lot of garbage inside, information that has no point, or even if it does the article was lengthen and flourished with unnecessary bombastic words.

But I feel there are points here, just that there are not in order. I just typed any words that popped up in my head. And yes, I said I hated you and I mean it. Bye. 

I'm Aging Along with Time

So it has been 3days now. I'm aware that what have been happening these few days weren't dreams at all.. 

My aunt passed away on the 23rd feb, Thursday at around 11pm. She's not exactly my real aunt to be precise. She's a friend of my mom for 30 over years who stayed with us.

She's single. No kids. 

You know? I can tell that 'the time' is coming soon. But I still wish and hope and pray that this is not the first and last picture that I'm gonna take with her. It's really like a dream. Everything seem so surreal and bizarre. Maybe because it's happening too fast. I was back at Penang for sem break on the 10th January 2012 till the 3rd February. The fact about no matter how much time you spent with the people who are important to you and telling them how much you love and appreciate them, it's never gonna be enough. 

After class on the 24th Feb, I rushed back all the way to Penang. Just to hear that when she left the night before, no one was there for her. No one.. When her relatives arrived the doctors have already wrapped her body up. It's pain. I'm in pain. Earlier 2days she's begging the doctor to let her go home. But her condition was so severe that the doc wouldn't release her. 

Last night, late at night, I was trying to convince myself that I'm not dreaming. Memories are so cruel. They came to drown me as if my tears weren't enough to suffocate myself. Irony. 

I remember how she would carry me around her neck to nursery when it was raining heavily. I remember how she brought me out to play with other kids. I remember how she hum and sing to make me sleep. I remember how she let me finish her favourite green pea snack. She'll cook what I feel like eating. She'll take the public bus with me when I overslept for school, so mom wouldn't scold. She'll give me pocket money when she affords it. She washed my clothes for me when I was younger. She sewed my buttons for me. 

Despite the time when we hurled hurtful words at each other, I still love her. Still miss her. Now she's gone, like forever. She's never gonna come back anymore. No one's is gonna cook amazing dishes when I'm back for sem break.. I won't be able to see her anymore.

Yea, it may be something good for her. She doesn't have to suffer from her illness anymore. I dunno what exactly I'm feeling now. It's not from this incident that I've learnt to give gratitude to who and what I have.

I've know that long ago. 

Everyone is racing and aging with time. Although I know that I should treasure the time I have and make full use of it, but I still waste uncountable seconds of it. Hate myself sometimes.

The only regret I have is, we've never taken a family picture together. With my mom, aunt, sis, brothers and me. And our so called 'family reunion dinner' is not even a real one. We don't sit down and eat together. We eat separately depending on who's hungry first. *sigh*

I just need more time, and honestly I feel that I'm resilient enough to handle this myself. 

OKAY! So some of my negative aura have been released. I'll be okay. Everything will be fine. :)

Alone doesn't mean that you're a loner. It doesn't mean that you're pathetic, it just mean you're strong enough to take the courage to be independent.
I find that being alone is nothing wrong, especially shopping, eating, being in the cinema. Maybe sometimes, not all the time for some people, but for me it's an anytime-fine-thing-to-do.
At least, when you're trying on clothes and those clothes can't fit you, you won't feel embarrassed. And that when you try on a shoe, nobody will tell you if it's too tight and that your toes are visible as if you don't know, as if you yourself can't feel it or see it. Fucking annoying. Nobody will laugh incredulously when you tell them your feet are size 4/5, and telling you're size 6 instead like you don't know that for the past 18years.
You get to walk how fast and slow as you like. You don't have to wait , or at least make people wait for you when you wanna stop to look at something. It's a totally free and light thing to do. No burden, no humiliation, to comments, no nothing. It's just a day off with "yourself".
When you're watching a melancholy and sad movie don't need to worry people seeing you cry. You can totally cry your heart out. I know if you're watching a comedy movie nobody will laugh with you, well then laugh with the crowd.
If you order a lot of food and finish them off, nobody will remind you that it's fattening and that you're gonna gain weight. No need to share your food with anyone."PLS FORGET ABOUT SHARING IS CARING" And if you can't finish them instead, no one will say you're wasting food. You can always take away, h-e-l-l-o?
Sleep alone, no one will take away your blanket, or fist your face, or take 3/4 or even 4/4 of your bed. You get to snore and roll around as you like.
Working out alone, can go on our own pace, coz we know how far our stamina can take us. Why needa let the better ones show us how good they can do it, or worse, wait for us if we're slower?

Maybe turn it around to another point of view..
Shopping, eating, watching a movie, sleeping and spending time with your best friends and lovers or perhaps family can be fun. Making fun of your besties but no hard feelings are embedding in between. Calling each other cow for those who can eat the most. Laugh and cry together like pigs. Slamming to each other's face during sleeping after a slumber party or a masque treatment or whatever shit your can think of. Run like an athlete to show off when there's hot guys around.
Maybe that's for you. But I don't have that kind of moments yet. I want it too coz I'm not a loner. I just find doing things alone isn't that bad. People should practice it more often before they found the moments that I too, long for. Maybe in that way you'll appreciate more on the both sides, either with or without companions.

Title-less

I know how to be open and be myself, to whom and when. But I just haven't found that person yet.
Maybe I was stressed out but I hypnotized myself all the way telling myself i wasn't. Maybe I've concealed all the tension and pretended it wasn't there. So now it was bursting slowly, making me weak and meek. Really hate it. Hate myself for being so fragile.

Sometimes I spread negative aura here. It's just because I'm human. I can be tired too after being positive over a period of time. I can't just be everlasting cheerful and happy in this unfair reality. Hope you understand. I need a place to express.

Miscellaneous

Have you ever wonder are there any other living beings outside this planet, on the other space or another intermediate universe? We thought we were human beings and anything that is not a normal living organism is an alien. What if to other planets' inhabitants, we're aliens instead? I mean all these time travels, foresee future, dejavu, etc etc things, how do you explain it? Do you believe in it? Is it true that everything can be explained by science and technology? Do you doubt the existing of God? Someone once said to me, everyone on this planet is actually communicating and praying to the one and same living God.


The symbols of fourteen religions are shown. Clockwise from the North Pole, they are: 
Baha'i, Buddhism, Christianity, Confucianism, Hinduism, Islam, Jainism, Judaism, Shinto, Sikhism, Taoism, Wicca, Zoroastrianism, and Druidism.


Does is make sense to you that there's only one true God and everyone is praying to him in their own traditional methods? Is this an insult to your beliefs to suggest this idea to you? 
A lot may argue, especially the freethinkers and the scientists ;that no one has exactly seen Him before, no one has ever witness afterlife before, no one has ever been to hell nor heaven before. We believe what we feel is right, we plant faith on what that has been passed down on us.
We shared testimonies and narrated miracle incidents. Are those real? Or some self-hypnotism?
I don't know about it. I used to observe and analyse what is right and wrong rationally.
I myself am a Christian. Christians should be gullible and believe anything that the bible says. I experienced the feeling between Him and me, I agreed it was real. But every now and then the feeling will fade off, I need to keep going back to Him to charge up my desire for Him. I believe every Christians do, just matter of fact whether theirs are stronger than mine. 

Maybe you'll think, whatever outside this planet Earth have nothing to do with you, neither does it sound any appealing to you. But it's somehow interesting don't you think? What will the future be? With all those modern technologies and creations. Like in the movies, script writers are the craziest and most creative being existed. Have you ever think that what they write are what the scientists make real and possible today? Have you?
Fiction writers are somehow ahead the scientist. They fantasize of things beyond human limits, things that do not exist. But after years, we make it out and boast on the history of technology world. Maybe you'll feel the idea of me saying this sounds nonsensical, but it's just what I feel.

Like in the movie In Time I watched yesterday. Andrew Niccol amazed me with a slight shiver down my spine. He unfolds the story of new nation with genes that will not age after 25, but will just live for one more year after that. To prolong your survival period, you need to work your way out. Your salary is paid not by cash but by seconds, by minutes, by hours depending on whichever you worth. You pay your coffee and bus fare by scanning your arm under a device to deduct the time you have. A coffee may cost you 3hours of your life, a bus fare 2hours, etc etc.  The rich live forever, the poor die young. Is that how it suppose to be? We control the period of time we live? Or we allow the cause of nature to take place? The movie just make sense to me. No matter how hard we try to make a way out, we can't live forever. The price, taxes, interests will just kept increasing every time, just to make sure that people dies.

I understand people who are reading this probably think I'm getting insane or that I'm some kinda movie psycho freak. But you have to agree that sometimes it makes perfect sense, it's reasonable. We may live like that in the future. Worrying about every seconds and minutes we have.

Okay, maybe enough about the emotions over this issue. Lol. That's all imma gonna write for now. Ciao~

Supp

Hey bloggie. I know you felt left out, sorry lol.
There's a lot to update you about. The second and third mini project after my Lighting is Form, Shape &Space and Gazebo.

My Form, Shape and Space model.

Concept : Sea anemone and corals. 

Precedent studies chosen : Lilypad 

This is Lilypad, " Floating Ecopolis for Climate Refugees" by Vincent Callebaut

And this is my third mini project, Gazebo

Concept : Balance and Unity of our Multiracial country. 

To be honest, wasn't really satisfy with my gazebo. It's not special enough. I planned to do a C-shaped model at first but thinking it might look more like a kiosk instead. The concept is about a mother's womb, protecting the fetus inside of it. It's okay la, maybe can use it for my Viewing Tower project next time.

This is Jeffrey's model. A lot more people's are nice too. Just managed to snap this lol. Need to learn from many people. I'm telling myself never compared myself with other people like what Bill Gates said. 

It's a hard thing but I'll try. 

Next thing is bout my personal life. A lot has happened and they're all happening so fast. It's already month of November. I kinda lost track on the dates and things I've done so far. 

I just know I sleep very little these days. My beauty sleep.. And my eyebags look so excruciating. :(

Tomorrow I'll be having Building Services test but as usual ain't studying right now. I procrastinate till the very last min and regret that every second later. Ha Ha. 

I just wanna be crazy everyday, but the reality won't let me. Can you take me away to somewhere only we know? :)

Had dinner with Aida and Sebastian at a Korean restaurant yesterday after presentation. A mini self treat :)

                                                 

Aida

Mine 

Sebastian's 

That's all to say for now. Will have to go off to start my reading. Wish all luck to me for tomorrow. xoxo