I'm Aging Along with Time

So it has been 3days now. I'm aware that what have been happening these few days weren't dreams at all.. 

My aunt passed away on the 23rd feb, Thursday at around 11pm. She's not exactly my real aunt to be precise. She's a friend of my mom for 30 over years who stayed with us.

She's single. No kids. 

You know? I can tell that 'the time' is coming soon. But I still wish and hope and pray that this is not the first and last picture that I'm gonna take with her. It's really like a dream. Everything seem so surreal and bizarre. Maybe because it's happening too fast. I was back at Penang for sem break on the 10th January 2012 till the 3rd February. The fact about no matter how much time you spent with the people who are important to you and telling them how much you love and appreciate them, it's never gonna be enough. 

After class on the 24th Feb, I rushed back all the way to Penang. Just to hear that when she left the night before, no one was there for her. No one.. When her relatives arrived the doctors have already wrapped her body up. It's pain. I'm in pain. Earlier 2days she's begging the doctor to let her go home. But her condition was so severe that the doc wouldn't release her. 

Last night, late at night, I was trying to convince myself that I'm not dreaming. Memories are so cruel. They came to drown me as if my tears weren't enough to suffocate myself. Irony. 

I remember how she would carry me around her neck to nursery when it was raining heavily. I remember how she brought me out to play with other kids. I remember how she hum and sing to make me sleep. I remember how she let me finish her favourite green pea snack. She'll cook what I feel like eating. She'll take the public bus with me when I overslept for school, so mom wouldn't scold. She'll give me pocket money when she affords it. She washed my clothes for me when I was younger. She sewed my buttons for me. 

Despite the time when we hurled hurtful words at each other, I still love her. Still miss her. Now she's gone, like forever. She's never gonna come back anymore. No one's is gonna cook amazing dishes when I'm back for sem break.. I won't be able to see her anymore.

Yea, it may be something good for her. She doesn't have to suffer from her illness anymore. I dunno what exactly I'm feeling now. It's not from this incident that I've learnt to give gratitude to who and what I have.

I've know that long ago. 

Everyone is racing and aging with time. Although I know that I should treasure the time I have and make full use of it, but I still waste uncountable seconds of it. Hate myself sometimes.

The only regret I have is, we've never taken a family picture together. With my mom, aunt, sis, brothers and me. And our so called 'family reunion dinner' is not even a real one. We don't sit down and eat together. We eat separately depending on who's hungry first. *sigh*

I just need more time, and honestly I feel that I'm resilient enough to handle this myself. 

OKAY! So some of my negative aura have been released. I'll be okay. Everything will be fine. :)